All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts..."Shakespeare"

Its dark...I cannot see
I walk presumably
No rights, no lefts
Just a straight way ahead
I stumble , I fall...
Yet a determination helps me cross it all
The leaves rustle softly
With my hands outstretched
I walk tearfully...
Oh! the silence of the nigh
Hangs like some ghost in the sky
I amble ...no goal
I rise, I fall...I rise, I fall
I cry inside 
My heart is aching
I do not know
Where you abide
I call your name 
I hear nothing save a cold reverberation
Oh! I need you with desperation
You are out of sight!
I reside neath a gigantic tree
The nigh gradually seems to fall like a pall
I'm petrified with fear
As i can acknowledge the forming of a tear
I feel so abandoned , so gloomy
And the world appears so phoney
I 'm fatigued ...exhausted
Tired of the godforsaken wait and want
I close my eyes...
But
One last strained look...in the hope to see you 
IN VAIN!
I close my eyes  to eternal rest
You come next morn...
I promised myself a sleep till an unending dawn
You shake , you bolt ...you thunder and you scold 
My body lay shriveled up in cold 
So blue and anguished...
Its time for burial ...you want an escape
you shed an insignificant tear ....
and once again desert me ...
On the very avenue where you kindled a friendship with me!

To be true to one self, a man must first have a self.

As an Indian is it possible to be Fiercely Independent....and also have the courage to stand for being independent in the face of an hostile society who is ever ready to grab you by the collar...

How long can you go on being a Product of your Upbringing...I tried but failed miserably!
NOW...
I am more of a Product of the choices I have made in 38 years of my life...rather than my social background...or my Family pressures...
For the next couple of years I want to live as a paragon of Free will  - I want my self to possess power by the  righteousness of the choices that i make and to control the outcome of my OWN blessed life...
I want to believe that I am the antithesis of the contemporary belief that my individuality could be trampled by someone who are Swines...
I don't shed Pearls for Pigs....I d rather the world does not do it either...

How does it feel to function as an independent organism ...having autonomous thinking,.
if you have the power to create and successfully fight for what you have designed ...then your s is the earth , my dear...Bull shit , then its only being ostracized from the boundaries of your life...but then all of us must rely on our minds for survival ...so play on...
I thought only Animals are selfish but now living in a pond of humans... my mind finally accepts the conventional idea of how Humans are the embodiment of the divine fungus called "Being Selfish" to the deepest core of one self - and why not...

individual peculiarity....individual streak...
just that woman who chooses to struggle in obscurity than compromise her individualism at the hands of people who are ambiguous about their own identity...
i have had complex relationships - blood relations, colleagues, friends, aquaintances...
some who have sometimes assisted me in looking up the ladder and some who have miraculously helped me in hindering my progress...well time has been an embodiment of human struggle...
its further activated my senses -  not to give in ...but Come around...again and again....how could i lose the only thing that was close to my heart -  my SANITY...
the journey has always been Indifferent to the opinions of OTHERS and i thank my undying spirit for that...
My original inclination has always been to grow BIG...but never by compromising my Morals ...so i began developing a formidable power structure to support my conscience...each time the temptation to rise titillated my psyche I fell back upon that invisible structure -  my Soul...
 I learnt to survive by devising  a gambit and predicting many moves in advance but i was not born to survive...i was born in a free world to Live ...and i did nevertheless..........
I began  thinking that the world did not deserve  sincerity and intellect, because the people around me did not measure up to the standards of what i thought was human ...to be able to reach out to the people I began understanding that people should join in purpose and perspective...but it was a task which was difficult beyond measure............i was careful not to allow anybody to poison my HOPES in my own ideals......
I no LONGER Cared what anyone thought or DID...
As time passed i learned to love and create in a free world , in my own vision, in which I set the standards by which all of us can live regardless of love and hate...
No body can be worthy of my beautiful mind and heart if at any point i have to compromise on my IDEALS...

hey...

A clamorous noise in my head following me everywhere I go...the success sting in my brain to be Someone..to get there ..to elevate to the 20th storey...now acting like a Belladonna...the taste of it all activating on my salivary glands and then followed by Moisture d Eyes....hey hey...and then its back to reality...

I ve seen life through my bedroom window - its different... I've perceived life through my balcony  - its vivid,
I've seen life through my windshield  -  its panoramic, and life through the rolled glasses of my car...its descriptive...all of them keep adding flavors to the running thoughts of my existence...some are like whispers ..others are tumultuous....

Its complicated...or may be I d love to feel that...well its rather easy giving up... at some point of time, it wasn't easy giving up on anybody...maybe because I was horrified of the passe feeling what would happen next...and  was willing to cope up with the sleepless nights UNTIL I saw an avenue with no RETURNS...
and i decided to preserve my sanity by just giving up on everybody cos...their faces were tainted with avarice of selfishness ...and that was it...there was so much hate and manipulation and its difficult to decipher the source of my courage but i made a decision to dive deep into the unknown... know not where did that enlightenment come from....good bad or how ugly it would be...I Dared....and I took my first Flight....

And you know the first thing that I uttered to myself -  it was " to hell with all of you"

TO be cont.....